Unreasonable Expectations

Unreasonable Expectations exist in all Genders, including Kia’s who identify as a Kenworth. The aim of this page is for you to read each section twice. The first time from your own POV, the second time from your partner’s POV.

After you’ve both done that, discuss that topic, with both people trying to discuss it from your partners’ POV. This will very quickly show who’s seriously prepared to see it from all angles. If one person exaggerates wildly or won’t participate genuinely, you know immediately who the entitled thinker is.


The number one thing I hear men say is they just don’t get enough of is affection. Seriously, the distance most men will travel for a pat on the head, from the lady they love, is huge. It’s an inherent, hard wired, instinct in most species, not just humans, to want to look after and care for their mate. The longer a relationship spans, the lower the affection shown by almost universally by female partners.

Even ghastly male crocodiles swim under their sweeties blowing bubbles out of their nose to give her that warm fuzzy, cared-for feeling. That’s a genuine fact! In all sincerity, think about the way you see the “do things for me vs show appreciation” equation. Ask yourself how often you just expect what your partner does for you or even correct them a little bit so they do the job better next time. When was the last time you showed affection and genuine appreciation? Uttering the word Thanks, isn’t showing appreciation, that’s minimum obligation. How many times do you reject your partner when they try to show affection, because they, gee, “might want a little lovin’ too” so it’s best if we nip that right in the bud.

Why is it, we expect our partner to keep showing affection, to do those little things, but cut them off at the knees if they try for a hug or kiss? Is it seriously any wonder why partners stop wanting to do things?


Nearly every sexual breakdown falls into one of three categories, so let’s look at this 4 ways shall we? We can add more in the comments if they’re common, not highly specific or graphic please. I’m not a counsellor but I can refer if needed.

First, Women argue all the time men expect them to be Porn Stars. Do they really? If they do, where did they get that expectation? Women also often complain it’s just boring and repetitive, feeling like an oil change. How did it get like that? By hurrying to the final destination rather than enjoying the journey? What have you done to make the journey more fun? Responsibility to keep sex enjoyable rests equally on both partners doesn’t it? so;

Well, Did you play Porn Star before the marriage/commitment grew? Did you enjoy the Boombaroomba before the commitment solidified? So what changed? You have him caught now. Is there no challenge? Was that deliberate False Advertising? If you got the enjoyment out of the effort back then, are you just getting lazy? Are you deliberately making him work harder for it now you’ve got monogamy as control on your side? We’ve all heard the joke “Men are like floor tiles, Lay them properly at the start, you can walk all over them forever after that”, is that the game?

If he is asking for Porn Star treatment and that wasn’t your way before commitment grew, have you discussed why he’s trying or where he got the ideas (Discuss,not argue)? Are you offended because you’re interpreting this as him thinking “You’re not good enough”? Has he sensed your growing boredom and trying to “Keep the interest up”? Have you even asked him why he likes it or wants to try it? For sex to be enjoyable long term, it really must be happening 90% above the eyebrows with genuinely open, shameless, fun communication. When is the communication needed? Before, during and after! If you’re not prepared to at least participate in the communication, and you’ve unilaterally changed the dynamic completely, why the hell should he be the blamed one? If he just refused to do the things you want, is that OK or would that make him selfish?

Will he do his best to look after your “Special Outcomes”? If not, have you ever shown him how to? I’m telling you, what works for some ladies, doesn’t for others. Female’s (physical and mental) sexuality is as wide and varied as a list of sports. He may not know, how or what, part of your back you really like scratched. Again, is this just broken phone wires?

Has it become routine and boring? It can and does for over half of couples, especially if there’s not plenty of mental sexual stimulation exploring each others inner fantasies. Have you tried being brave enough to trust him with your less conventional desires? Have you open mindedly asked about his? I’ll bet between you, there’s enough ideas to “want to” light that fire pretty brightly with some Role play or more. Has he become boring because he’s inexperienced and your experience is high but you don’t want to look like a slut talking about the things you’ve liked in previous experience but won’t tell him? This is very common in the couples who marry over 30.

Be Fair Dinkum, did your interest in the Boombaroomba slow down long before he stopped being so enthusiastic to your wants and needs?

Second, I promise, Radical Feminists are going to hate this. I’ll be called a rape promoter, a rape apologist as well as a misogynist. Truthful Feminists will probably back me to the hilt.

I get it, we all get tired, we’re all busy. We all want our needs met and all learn shortcuts, but here’s the real question. If you’re not prepared to satisfy your partner’s wants and needs, what give you the right to demand he satisfies yours? Including your Non-Sexual wants!

In virtually every affectionless and sexless marriage relationship I see, the female is getting all the things she needs and most of the support she wants. Yes, sometimes she has to ask but when asked for most men give happily, right up till they realise the female doesn’t give a toss about what he wants. Yes, females wants usually aren’t sexual and his are, just how does that make yours important and his unimportant?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the female does nothing for the male, she usually does but chooses to give things she’d value, or the things she WANTS to give, not what he values. The number of times I’ve heard a female complaining she spent 3 hours preparing a meal for him or redecorating the bedroom for him but sincerely, men (and I mean virtually all men) would prefer pie and a 1/2 hour session of mutual enjoyment.

If you’re just not in the mood, do you accept him not changing your tyre, putting up shelves, fixing the broken chair because he’s not in the mood? Does he just motivate himself to do the things he’s not keen on? Once he starts them, does he enjoy them? Once he’s done those jobs does he feel empowered and satisfied?

Scientific research shows if a female allows loving touch of a man she cares about, it usually stimulates anticipation and excitement. If it doesn’t and you stop, you can at least enjoy a loving cuddle. Outright immediate rejection simply demonstrates you just don’t care about a man’s feelings. That’s fine too, but if you don’t care about or actively try his wants why should he give you what you want? You then have to ask if you’re the one who just doesn’t care about his needs. If that’s the case, I guarantee I know what’s in the drawers of your bedside table.

Self Help books! What were you thinking? Seriously, if you’re not interested in what he wants, you’re already on a downward spiral. Get help before it’s too late, ask yourself, will you accept any responsibility for relationship damage?

Third, Think about the last few times you wanted your man to be paying attention to that growing list of expectations you gradually build. Think about when he put up some resistance and tried to push back or maybe even grew a pair and just said NO.

Once that’s in your mind, ask what you said to encourage/push/goad/coerce or outright emotionally blackmail him. You know your moves, I don’t. Let’s just say it’s a stereotypical “Well, if you loved (or respected) me, you’d want to do blah, blah,blah for me……….. or a “This shows you don’t you care about me any more”. Think about this. How would it go down if Hubby pulled that bullshit on you for a little Hanky Panky? How well would you respond?

Whether you like it or not, whether it’s deliberate or not, withholding sex is the most powerful weapon that’s ever been used. It’s started wars, changed entire religions, you name it.

Sex and affection, when withheld, (especially when deliberately) is a not so subtle version of the Stanford Prison Experiment. Unchallengeable, single sided control, enforced against imprisoning monogamy commitment is just cruel. Most women who choose to close up shop still demand complete fidelity even though they don’t want it. Allowing a deprived husband to see a FWB, prostitute or even looking at porn for masturbation is usually strictly forbidden, enforcing complete, unnatural celibacy. Guilt and shame are then used to degrade a “forced celibate male” gets caught with an “entertaining” Girlie magazine. It ain’t good!

Imprisoning men in affection and sex starved marriages is the beginning of the end.

If you read about this experiment and more importantly, the control empowered by unilateral decision making, you’ll not just understand the comparison, you’ll find your own extensions of how manipulative it can be and how dire the effects become. If you’re Fundamentally aligned with Radical Feminism, I’d pretty much expect you’ll be loading your shotgun right now! If you disagree, how about discussing why the idea is flawed rather than trying to shout it down.

Once authority is established through affection and sex deprivation, we now have a growing scenario forcing male compliance to the authority’s expectations with serious and measurable punishment for non-compliance. This is weaponising sex.

The effects of this shift in power and authority from balanced to unilateral set up a similar situation to The Milgram Experiments.

Using Non-combatable unilateral control instead of truthful discussion, negotiation and fairness cannot end well.

If you think these things through honestly, considering a marriage is about everyone in the family, you might understand why so many marriages are failing. I’m no Sexpert, but if your issues are deeper than these, I know where to find professionals that can help.


Every person has their favorites, some have complex tastes made obvious by years of MasterChef viewing. Others prefer the basics with a few trimmings. In most cases, if either partner likes the higher end and cooks, why not get in and do the meals together or at least converse your partner does it. The shared experience brings Food to a relationship item again.

You can’t tell me you haven’t heard “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” . That’s sorta true. For most of us, it’s knowing you were actually thinking about his wants and if he’s cooking, that’s vice versa. The thing to remember here is that if either of you spend a lot of time cooking up a storm, that’s probably because you enjoy it. If you’re doing it because you enjoy it, don’t count that as your partner owing you. That’s unfair

As a footnote, if you’re short on time, bloody near every man would give more undying attention for a 1/2 hour romp than a 2 hour prep time meal.


This is a topic I need to prepare further so I don’t oversimplify. I’m explaining these so you recognise indicators as soon as they enter your head. If you’re already in conflict on these issues, seek help now before it gets out of hand.

Balance involves so many aspects, it’s a book all by itself but here are a few of the basics below


How many times does each partner initiate physical contact. AFFECTIONATE! Hitting him shoulder to shoulder then snarling as you walk down the hallway doesn’t count! Count the touches, the pecks on the cheek, the placing a hand on your partner’s shoulder or back, gently touching their forearm, holding hands, etc. This is one of the greatest NVC (Non Verbal Communications) known. Do you want the stats on this?

Now, here’s an even bigger NVC. Count how many times when one touches the other, the touched person recoils or withdraws. A single recoil to touch seems to be around 10-20 times more powerful at saying “I don’t want you anymore” or “Leave Me Alone” as the affectionate touch says, I want you. I’ll bet the stats on that would cause a few surprises.


It’s my observation men and women measure favours, help and doing for their partner very differently. Contrary to popular male belief, women do as many things for men, in most cases more things, so why do men universally say they do much more for their partners? Wanna hear the really funny part, well to me anyway. This observation appears to include gay and lesbian couples, although maybe not as badly. Most same sex couples tend to have a “More Feminine” and a “More Masculine” partner so the traits carry through. Where this does get confusing at times is a lot of gay couples exchange those traits at various times.


Men, more often take on the large tasks requiring trade, tool or specialised skills. This usually applies even where the man isn’t super tech. It’s far more exaggerated when the man is Super-Tech personified!

When the new garden shed kit arrives, does the man usually take responsibility and ask for help to stabilise a wall while he connects the next wall or does the female? When the kit furniture arrives, is it most often the male takes responsibility? Does she take charge or assist? When success isn’t coming easily, is it more likely the male or the female cracks it and storms off, or says “Just leave me do it” in your relationship? Pay attention to these, they’re major tell-tales in your dynamics.

Multiple Counting the same time

When a house extension is required or a car engine, gearbox or clutch needs replacement, in most households does the male take responsibility, even when the job is outsourced? YES, today females do actively get involved in the house reno but this principle often largely applies even here. Does the male go to pick up the goods? Choose the tiles? Pick the colours? Choose the decor? No. Men do one job and count the time once, Females time split and often count the same time block several times.

Women usually believe in Multi-tasking, men generally don’t. Generally, multi-tasking means managing many small tasks simultaneously. Whilst I don’t actually believe in multitasking, I do believe the concept minimises duplication of walk/drive times etc creating efficiencies. I have some interesting experiments proving men and women can both only do one job at a time, females seem to be better at “switching channels” or “time slicing”.

Combine the two paragraphs above and a common pattern emerges. Men, more often do less tasks of larger size while women usually do more tasks of smaller size. So how do we compare? Well, people, by nature don’t start measuring, until they want to prove an idea they’ve already concieved. There’s your first indicator a relationship is already in the Pre-Flush vortex.

Here’s where I reckon it all gets flushed. Women seem to count number of favours done. Men seem to count number of hours spent for each other. Universally, men and women seem to count mutually beneficial tasks as “for their partner”. Are you starting to see how this unfolds? This starts as I’ve done this for you so………………….. Guess who always has the longer list? Guess who feels the most underappreciated. If this isn’t successfully negotiated, NOT argued, right here, once that vortex starts, it’s only a matter of rotation numbers before that Big Black Hole is your destiny.

The unrealistic expectation here is in most cases that your partner should be doing a minimum of equal or more than you. The truth is never that simple. Usually when men take on bigger jobs, they work harder and longer but when that’s finished, he’ll goof off more. These fluctuations are normal

As a side note, one really interesting observation is painting. Who’s better? When a female enthusiastically takes on a trade skill like painting, they’re very often far better with the edging, they’re usually more consistent with their stroke overlaps, coat thickness and almost universally, better with drop sheets etc. Who’s better on ceilings and normally faster? usually men. Who’s best overall? Ask me later, when you come help me paint my house so I can observe!

Man-cave time

Most men that are upset, annoyed, had a shitty day at work, really prefer to blow off a little steam in their Man-Cave. Their personal Man-Cave might be the Playstation, for others, it’s the Home Office, mine is the workshop. When blokes need to think things through, they’re not like you. They can’t Multi-task or channel switch like you. That means they can’t Talk to you, absorbing and processing that conversation while mulling their own stuff over.

Part of the purpose of playing the game or unbolting a motorcycle part etc, is they process one thought, then do an action, process another thought, do another action. I’m no Psychoanalyst, don’t ask me why, I just know many men work their stuff out like that. If they don’t get their Man-Cave time, they end up trying to multi-task and fail.

If you don’t believe this is how men operate, try this with a few. Ask them to think of a red playing card. Then ask them to think of a blue biro. get them to change a couple of times, one, then the other. Next ask them to think of both items simultaneously. Most men CAN’T. They’ll come up with one of two poor substitutes. They’ll either see the biro sitting or writing on the card or they’ll swap back and forward.

Women usually solve their frustration very differently. Most women that are upset, annoyed, had a shitty day at work, really prefer to talk to you about it. They don’t want you to help, They don’t want advice unless they specifically ask. They just want to talk to you. Guys, stop trying to fix it, this is why women near universally say “You just don’t listen”

The unrealistic expectation here is expecting your partner to vent or process their shit the same way you do.


Stages of life dictate the expectations here.

Are you just starting out young? The toys will be a critical part of a man being happy. Assuming, yes, I said assuming, the lady is getting her Fair share of her “wants” ie: hair, make up,nice things or maybe a horse (we’re all different), appropriate level toys aren’t selfish. Yep, locking himself away all the time may be. That’s the sort of discussion and agreements that need to be made early to establish fair balance

Did the man already have his sports car/Motor bike etc before you shacked up? Did you make him sell them? Guess what, he earned them. He’s going to want them back.

Just remember, Fair is a 2 way street. If you eliminate other parts of the relationship that are important to him, he’ll probably look for more toys or toy time as a substitute. It’s unfair for one partner to get their wants fulfilled but not the other. This is a really comon unfair expectation.

Unilateral demands

Show/prove you love me

Listen to me!

Understand what I really want, not just what I say.

Emotional support

Never look at other women

Well, seriously, doesn’t every woman dream of an Adonis, doing her ironing?


Teamwork was an extremely powerful commitment between married couples historically. Work was divided according to who was most suited to that work. As a married couple, you looked after each other’s wants and needs. It didn’t matter who did or earned what, the household was the team unit. This worked from the beginning of recorded history until the mid 1900’s. Everything started massive shifts, starting mid 60’s. It needed to because there were women, and men, this wasn’t working for. Throw in a Sexual revolution, just for good measure and it was 50/50 whether this new system would work.

My observations were that it worked pretty well

Did it always work? NO! A percentage of both men and women shirked their responsibilities. A percentage of both men and women were unfaithful. Most times, a couple could work through and resolve issues to mutual satisfaction.

Princess in the tower

As much as the modern female wants to think she’s capable of riding the white stallion, in her armour, saving the world, that’s rarely part of life’s real choices.

I’m not saying women can’t ride that stallion. I came from a horse family and saw countless great female riders, my sister included, but that’s not what the fairy tales represent. Whether we talk Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Rapunzel or Shrek, we have a strong reliable man who’s totally committed in life and limb to her well being. He’ll drop everything at a moment’s notice. Her man will risk all to ensure, not just her well being but her “Happily Ever After”.

Does every modern female know those stories are fairy tales? Of course! Do they still expect it? Psychologically, once those behaviours and beliefs are entrenched as children, why would you accept any less? That would be selling yourself short wouldn’t it? If you think this is exaggerating, get on YouTube and check how many women expect all this and more, justifying it by saying “I’ve got standards”.

Those beliefs still held value right up to equality being established. When women didn’t earn much and had no vote, their man was the Prince Charming. Couples generally functioned as a team. Sadly, now, to even imply those values or characteristics exist, you’re painted as nothing more than a misogynist chauvinist. What’s really amusing is if you don’t silently provide it, you’re simply not a high enough level man.

The higher the level of entitlement, the more likely these fairy tales, myths and expectations just turn into a hazy blur with real life. The really difficult thing here is if we’re equal, as demanded by feminists and expected by most women, that’s the end of the White Knight myth. It’s a very unrealistic expectation to expect both.

Can have it all

The more women believe they have the ability to have everything, all on their timeline, including running at least 50% of the top 100 companies, while being super-mum, while being the aerobics master and maintaining a great circle of friends, while having the full RomCom marriage to their own Rich Alpha underwear model, there’s no chance.

The men and women who choose to go after those Uber leadership positions display a level of capability and commitment 99.9% of people (M&F) just can’t match. They spend years preparing for the roles. Men and women who choose to go after those Uber leadership positions usually work 70-90 hours per week. They study hard, early and maintain focus. They usually take very little time actually off even on their holidays. They often don’t stay married and regularly miss their childrens functions due to travel and time commitments. Top CEO’s don’t take 4-7 years out for childbearing, then work 40-50 hours per week for a reasonable Work/Life balance. Women can and do, get those roles, when they provide the same commitment, responsibility and capability

You don’t get roles like that based on fairness, a good application letter or gender balance. You get it because the board or business owners believe the appointee will make more profit than anyone else can. If a vacuum cleaner could do the job best, a vacuum cleaner would occupy that chair.

This is the entire issue with Entitlement thinking. If you can envision it, because you’re you, that vision is deserved.

This is the most unrealistic expectation of all. No-one gets it all, especially the top pollies and CEO’s

Joke Of The Day

Three feminists walk into a bar. They look at one another and say, “Hooray! We’ve taken over a male-dominated joke format!”

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