Good Sex

So what constitutes good sex? I can only offer my personal definition which, I’m more than happy to redefine.

Good sex is where both (or all) participants are actively involved. Actively involved isn’t just the physical, not by a long shot. That’d mean a Kiwi and his sheep are the best!

Active involvement? What does that even mean? I can only offer my opinion. I’d seriously like constructive discussion advancing the idea.

It’s my opinion roughly 80-90% of sexual involvement needs to be above the eyebrows. If you’re not into each other, the sex will always degenerate into self satisfying shortcuts. It can slide into that even if you are into each other but don’t actively work on it. Sex obviously starts long before the clothes come off. Well that’s definitely true in younger unattached people. That’s equally true whether you’re looking for a One Night thing, a FWB relationship or you’re after permanency. Even University LUGs start that way. For attached people, it should continue by keeping yourself in shape, physically and mentally.

Where does it start? The week or 2 before you go out. It starts with buying your outfits and getting your grooming done, men in particular. They say Women on the other hand, dress for other women, well, do they? Why do women dress for other women? OK, under the bus for me! Confidence!

Women inherently know the most desired and selected female in any group won’t always be the best looking, the best dressed, the biggest boobs or booty. The woman most approached and most desirable for most men will be the most confident. Sure, unconfident men will often pick the low hanging fruit but they all want the confident one. Why? Confident women are more likely to have all their ducks in a row. They know what they want and most important, they know how to tell you, conversationally. They’re usually less whiny, less demanding and if they have a problem with other people, they sort that shit out, nicely! From there, life gets really easy!

Outdressing other women gives a very real confidence boost, improving their chances of being able to take their pick of suitors. If you think this has recently changed, think again, in the 1700’s women’s elaborate dress design often chose to display the top half of their areola in their era’s race for genetic selection. Men weren’t the designers, men just made what they were told by their wealthy female customers. Today, it’s short skirts with more focus on nails, hair, midriffs, shoes and accessories rather than huge feminine flouncy dresses. True? Respectfully let me know your opinion in the comments.

Men always scope (sorry brothers) for 3 things and pretty much just 3.

  1. Who would I really enjoy spending time with?
  2. Who would I like as my Kiwi sheep?
  3. What are my chances?

Inherently, men know if they’re lower in the social pecking order, they’ll just be shot down trying to fly high picking the top fruit. They also know every woman in a room spots “that guy trying his luck” and know if he tries more than a couple of different ladies over an evening, he’ll soon be recognised as a try hard, ensuring rejection by all. That’s why the third question.

Confident men, on the other hand just spot what they want and go for it. Sex, has already started right there. The dance now decides whether this is “Later”, a One Night thing, FWB or something more meaningful. Whether it progresses at all is always decided by the female. If he finds she has the confidence, communication skills and he’s picked her, his Goodies are already putty in her hands. What’s the first 2 indicators the confidence isn’t really there? Early warnings alarms;

  • She starts hiding behind feminist speak to show she’s strong and independent
  • She starts demanding and asserting unreasonable power

If he discovers the confidence is fake and she turns schiz, well, he may hang around to get some if she fits #2 but the writing is on the wall.

Why is confidence so tied to attractiveness and sexuality? Confidence almost always comes with the ability to communicate (not talk or demand, communicate), to ask for what you want, to listen to others with less judgement, ability to negotiate fairly and higher levels of integrity. Arrogance on the other hand is artificial confidence in appearance, usually fake. Arrogance is very often predicated in Entitlement mindedness. When the communication skills give way to veiled or direct demands, especially early in a relationship, there’s your first Big Red Flag. This is definitely a unisex behavioural warning.

Why so much speak of confidence on a Good Sex page?

Gaining and holding trust, REAL TRUST, is absolutely imperative. At the start, concerns are things personal safety, boundary respect and maintaining confidentiality. They’re critical to development of a sex life.

So why else, after initial attraction is sex above the eyebrows so crucial?

Well, early sex in a relationship is usually pretty conventional, it should include lots to reassurance, checking in and communication to find what this particular partner likes and more importantly, doesn’t like. In this stage, what’s currently being promoted as Active Consent is sort of appropriate. I say sort of because, let’s apply common sense here. How many female virgins do you expect to behave like this? If they don’t behave like this, the guy she loses her virginity with, by definition IS AUTOMATICALLY a rapist! Next, what about a married couple’s quickie after work before you go out. Again, AUTOMATICALLY, by definition, the husband is a rapist.

Early relationship interactions should look at least something like this

While you’re learning each other, above the eyebrows should will be working overtime, well, a worthwhile male will anyway. I can’t speak for female experience on what to observe, but here are a few of the things I watch for to tell me if my ministrations are striking the right or wrong notes

  1. Attention is being paid to my words and actions
  2. The lady becomes more attentive and responsive
  3. Higher sensitivity to touch, especially light stimulation
  4. Breathing rate increases, often with breath holding
  5. Pupils open up, making you feel like the lady will eat you with them
  6. OK, yes, that very endearing scent, not just from below either
  7. Nipples sometimes redden or brighten around the time they become erect.
  8. I might be wrong here but I think I’ve seen breasts grow
  9. Heart rate quickens, and blood pressure rises.
  10. Cheeks and/or around the neck and decolletage area reddens
  11. Things warm up and loosen significantly
  12. I don’t need to get as graphic as bodily fluids do I?

There’s gotta be a heap more because I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer. When should a good lover be paying attention to these things? At any time he’s not actively avoiding gunfire or running from a bushfire!

Seriously, if you really want to know your partner, if you don’t want boredom in a relationship, if you want better honesty in all aspects of your relationship, practice with your Pillow Talk. It’s one of the best trust and respect building practices you can share and the payoffs benefit everyone.

A far more realistic view of sex from someone qualified to speak about it

How do you know when answers are truthful? When you ask her if “she’s ever thought about XYZ this other person did” and she responds with “NO” but her body responds with 1 thru 12, you better bet that warrants very non-judgemental questions, paying full attention. Over time, when you show trust, real trust and respect her honesty, especially at answers normally considered socially acceptable.

If you really want to understand this lady, you probably have to get past an entire lifetime’s taboo training to get her to trust you. Where feminism has really kicked some massive goals is teaching women a “lights-off, missionary, oil change” isn’t the only acceptable option. Feminism has taught women they’re not only allowed to try a few options, they can enjoy them.

If you’re genuinely non-judgemental and prepared to risk exposing your weak underbelly, (whatever that is) you’ll most likely find ladies have just as many, if not more out of the box fantasies than you. What you do with them ideas can range from just talk to whatever. Where that goes ABSOBLOODYLUTELY MUST be MUTUALLY agreed, but not without agreeing safe exits, guidelines, limits, confidentiality etc.

This is why trust is so critical in a modern relationship.

What are the most likely Female fantasies you’ll find if you really have your partner’s back?

  • Role Play in public, anything like playing a slut, being a nun, comicon characters, you name it. That shit can be fun!
  • Mile High club membership
  • Going to Sexpo or a Nude beach
  • Flashing
  • Various sex toy play
  • Bondage
  • Rape fantasy
  • Spanking and other mild pain (if someone wanted serious pain, please see a professional!)
  • Webcamming
  • Be with another female
  • Be watched (most likely, by you) with another female
  • Be with another man
  • Be watched (most likely, by you) with another man
  • Watching you with another woman
  • 3 way
  • Prostitution fantasy

These are all female fantasies. The single most common seems to be another lady.

If you can’t swear confidentiality and your partner doesn’t have complete trust, Don’t go down this Rabbit Hole.

Personal Integrity is, to me, the single most important element in human relationships. If you can’t give it, don’t ask it of others. It really doesn’t matter what you choose to investigate or try. What matters is the getting to know each other intimately, above the eyebrows. If you’re not connected there, just stick with vanilla ice cream and enjoy, until she decides she either doesn’t want the calories or a taste of chocolate might be nice.

Females by nature re-invent themselves over their lifetime more than men. Why would their taste in Ice cream not change as her petals unfold?

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